I am soo fucked up. My brain is fucked up, my current life, my emotions, my face, even my tired smile.
I collide daily into a day full of scrap. Scrap information, scrap discussions and impressions. I don't care ! Which part you don't get. I see myself in the proximity of people I don't want and don't want to know. I walk the same road back and forth to a certain desk. I go in, get out after hours. Eyes red, blood pressure high, brain fucked up. And go back to rebuilding the shit.
Now, at 11 pm, in the small room full of fucked up brains, I find myself alone. What a wacko !! What I am doing here? Why I am still here. Fucking room, with its fucking light and emptiness !
I am so tired, that I don't care anymore. I see my lovely vacation so close by and I'm not ready for it. I'm not ready for some great emotions, for some hapiness tears. I'm not.. I am closed now. Shut down, fucked up.
Seen some new faces today, new spirits, hidden. Frustrations from the past. You telling me if I can work tomorrow. Asking if I'll leave early, early in the morning. Me, empty, speachless. You reading me. You thought I've got tears in my eyes. Maybe unconsciously. But I don't think so. Then you telling me I should screw the job, go home, have a great vacation. Me, empty, speachless again. I go back to finish some shit. Then, S asked me if I'm angry, smiling, empty, with his eyes incredibly tired. Red and blurry. I didn;t know what to say. I smiled, empty.
Then you girl, saying that you'd like to help me, if I need. You want me to go home, start my vacation. I just want to finish this. I'm so fucked up.
If I can have just a wish, I would want now to go to the beach, our beach, lay down, face up,look at the stars and cry a little, for all the things I've been through lately. And hopefully, I will...